A couple of weeks ago now, Race’s TV had an unfortunate domestic dispute with her Wii Remote. The Wiimote came out on top but must now wear judicially mandated protective gear at all times and must never go more than four inches from a hand while in use, lest it incur some sort of fine or something. She decided to immortalize (“immortalise” if you’re a damn dirty foreigner) the affair via Etch-a-Sketch, like she does. WiiHaveAProblem, the now famous (infamous?) website documenting such negligence, posted Race’s trauma but with one glaring mistake: she ain’t a man.

Now, I had to tell you that story to tell you this story: Guy told Race who told me over AIM that, quote, OMG We’re ON KOTAKU. We had no idea that they were going to post this, correcting the gender issue and vindicating our artist. Yeah, sure, Race sent him the tip, whatever. The funny thing is the very first comment talks about only being able to draw square boobs. Tehe. Yeah, so Race may be functionally retarded when it comes to bowling and yeah, maybe her Wiimote has anger issues, but at least she’s talented enough to turn it all around for us.

Thanks, Race.

And thanks, Ms. Michael Fahey. (See what I did there?) No, really.

-Arlo

Now go send them e-mails and defend my honor! =P

~Race

You know, I’m still not done with that strip that Arlo talked about in the last post, and believe or not, it took me much less time to get this one in rather than primp up the planned strip. This was actually a last-minute idea, and proof positive that perhaps I still haven’t quite gotten over the incident. Oh well. It’s about time we put up another one of these anyway. =) Besides which, Etch-a-Sketches are fun! You can see more of them in the photo gallery if you’d like.

In other news, Gears of War is awesome!!! That is all.

~Race

Here’s my Wiimote all pimped out. It looks like it’s about to go surfing.

A bag of zip ties purchased from Fry’s Electronics for about $2.50

The bottom of the Wiimote up close, with the zip tie tightly fastened, and the excess tie cut off.

I’m pretty happy to say that I think this is going to work. I had my reservations about the controller glove, not seeing how it could possibly provide that much more grip, but after playing it for some time, I realized its value. It keeps it less slick, giving it more the texture of a rubber ball and less like a brick of Velveeta. And the zip ties, well, are just pure genious. (ThanksUltraMagnus!) I was able to overcome my trauma and picked up the Wii again with some sense of security, both physical and psychological. Don’t take my word as law, but I highly recommend this method for everyone, not just the flailing monkeys. With this, all of you who are afraid to get Wiis can put your flying Wiimote fears somewhat to rest, and enjoy this delightful system. I must say, I don’t think my Wiimote will do any flying any time soon; unless, of course, the actual plastic breaks, in which case, I might just give up my Wii for adoption. I wouldn’t be able to give it a happy life otherwise.

~Race

I got to see Race’s TV yesterday. It’s not as bad when the TV is off. You rub your hand on the screen and it just seems kinda dented–like it never happened. Then, when it’s on… you scream.

Remember when I went on and on about the Wii? I picked up Rayman the other day to try it out with Mark and The Troll out of sheer curiosity. REWARDING! Seriously, the game is very low-budge, but the endearing personality and wacky mini-games make up for that. Some games are hard as hell and others repeat ad nauseum which makes this a renter and not a buyer, but put it in the slot, for sure.

See what I did there? Put it in the slot? Lord, I’m a comic genius.

-Arlo

Words cannot describe how stupendously retarded I feel at the moment. It’s like when you read one of those ridiculous Penthouse letters and think that it could never happen to you, and then surprisingly find yourself in an orgy with some dirty white trash, the dirty white trash’s mother, a midget, and a guy named Pablo. Except this doesn’t involve any naked chicks or a penis that is way out of proportion to its owner’s body. Nope. This just involves a broken Wiimote strap, a broken tv, and a broken heart. =( Well, maybe not that last part, but suffice to say, I’m a sad little Race. I’m still paying for that TV. F*CK! Here’s the story.

I had gotten my Wii at midnight on the 19th, and I was having good times with it. I had bought Zelda as well, but without a component cable, it hasn’t been worth touching yet. I was having way too much fun with WiiSports. And what was my favorite sport, you ask? Why, BOWLING, of course! So, here I am, three days later, unwinding from a hard day at work and having had to change a blown tire, trying to hit 250 in Wii Bowling. I made the mistake of thinking I was impervious to my own accident proneness, once I had that Wiimote strap securely fastened around my over-excited wrist. Maybe it’s the multiple warnings telling you to strap on that classically conditions your brain into rejoicing, “OH YEAH, I’m ready for a Wii handling!” once you’re strapped. At any rate, I got a little too into Wii Bowling. I was bowling that shit like a pro, and the next thing I know, I’m launching the Wiimote at my TV faster than if I had thought it could give me AIDS. Now, I am aware that The Strap cannot save you from everything, and I am aware that there’s no reason for me to have been pretending to be bowling that intensely, but I’d like to think it wasn’t all my fault.

Behold! Exhibit A. But I guess this can’t even justify the next two pictures.

Seriously, though, I’m not an idiot. And my coordination is not nearly as bad as these pictures might indicate. I know you can achieve the same kind of force by just flicking the damn Wiimote, but I just wanted it to feel reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaal. ;_; I’m a black belt, dammit! Now, you guys are probably going to make fun of me now, like, “Oh, silly girls can’t play video games or drive cars good, harharhar,” but because I had to change a spare tire tonight, like some kind of girly tough guy, allow me stand by my argument. It’s all Bush’s fault.

~(disg)Race(d)

I suppose it could work the other way, too. “Honest officer. We were playing Wii Sports and she got a little too close. I mean, the game warns you; I don’t know what she was thinking.”

You may have noticed that we’ve reverted back to our once a week schedule. I hope you’ve noticed. Don’t worry, it’s not permanent. Mommy and Daddy just need some time apart to reconsider why you’re ruining our marriage. Wait… that’s not right… At any rate, expect us back up and running on Mondays and Fridays ASAP. If you can’t get enough of us until then, or just can’t get enough of us anyway (I can understand), cruise on over to the forums where Australia is mainland and “trolling” is not what you think it is.

So…………………………………….. picked up my Wii Saturday night. I packed myself, The Troll, and our friend Mark into my car and headed down to our not-so-local GameStop to pick up our reserves. We seriously spent most of the night dicking around (dicking around with our Wiis. Get it? Yeah.) and I only got to play about half an hour of Zelda. That got rectified today, but more on that later.

You know how tiny these things are? Yeah, well, they’re smaller than that. That’s right: they are smaller than they are. You read that correctly. I was talking to Guy tonight about how much hate we have boiling within our innards for puppy dogs and ice cream and little children and freshly cut grass (because we’re disenfranchised white men) just as I was putting my copy of WiiSports into the system. Just the way it, as I put it, “sliiiiiiiiiiiiides” into the bay, puts my soul at ease. It makes me forget about not only my worries but also that persistent strife you may have heard about. All of those aesthetic values that a console may posses make my heart smile in this case. Concave? Convex? Yeah, how about a rectangular prism? And you know what? We’re not going to turn it on it’s side. No. We’re going flip that bitch diagonal.

Even the interface is so happy. As I type this, the WiiSports music is playing on constant loop (as I’ve just finish a rousing game of bowling) and I don’t even mind. Don’t know what game you want to buy with the system? Don’t worry. Just buy the damn thing. You can use the money you would otherwise be spending on a therapist.

Yes, I’m being hyperbolic. It’s not the second coming of Christ, no. However, just based on the merits of the system itself, the Nintendo Wii is probably my most favoritest of them all.

How about the games? The Troll picked up Red Steel and I picked up Legend of Zelda and Trauma Center (I hope to get my hands on Rayman in the near future). Both of my games are single player, so (ARGH!) we didn’t play them much that night, but Sports, Red Steel, and futzing around with the Mii channel didn’t disappoint in it’s stead.

I should clarify what that implies: Red Steel didn’t disappoint, per se. That’s probably because I wasn’t expecting much to begin with. It looks like a really really really really good… DS game. It plays like one, too. It’s shallow, it’s… you know, I was going to come up with all sorts of neato words, but “shallow” pretty much sums it up. Don’t pick this one up if it’s your only game until WarioWare hits in January. It’s a great supplement to the multiplayer experience that WiiSports provides, but as a standalone title, it won’t hold your attention if you’re by yourself. I have to insert this here: right at this moment, Guy has revealed to me that he recently purchased all of the Burger King 360 games. Can we continue?

Only played Trauma Center for, according to the ticker provided by the system, 14 minutes. It handles almost exactly like the DS game, which is to say superbly. I feel kinda bad for the game, though. The only time I’m going to be able to play it is when my friends aren’t over, and most of that time is going to be eaten up by Zelda.

Zelda. Zelda, Zelda, Zelda. 9.5, maybe. My gripes are simple: motion sensor controls for battle are clumsy and hard to specify; … … well, that’s about it. You know what? Bump that fucker up to a 9.75. I’ll reserve my 10 for when I finish the game. I’m 5 hours into it and have only finished the first temple, so good news for you 60 hour freaks out there. It’s everything you loved about Ocarina and so on, while adding in the original content seamlessly.

I could go on and on like this, but I’ll break it down for you: You turn into the wolf (in a very sort of cel-shaded environment) when you enter into areas that have been consumed by “twilight.” You stay that way until you can restore light to the world by rescuing a godlike being (who is powerless until you collect tears from insects, I shit you not). Once back in Link form, you can head on through to the temple. What does this mean? None of that Metroid Prime: Echoes, dual-world, backtracking, artificially gameplay-extending bullshit. Yeah, it makes the game longer, but it’s fresh and different, and not so different that you feel like you are playing a different game. How they managed to make playing as a wolf being ridden by some smart-mouth, domineering, alien bitch in gloomy twilight still feel like a Zelda game is beyond the scope of this blog. It’s running long as it is. Come into the forums to discuss, maybe. Nuances in this game are touching and brilliant; it almost reminds me of ICO/SotC meets Okami meets Zelda, in a way, which is all sorts of not bad. I’m no Zelda fan-boy, but I will say that this game is going to give my Wii a workout.

Update: Ok, this I actually find kinda funny. Not in that “I’m-so-mad-it’s-funny” kind of way, either. It actually made me laugh. Gamespot gave Zelda an 8.8 (not actually a bad review, but apparently not good enough) saying it’s the same-ol’, same-ol’. Then they antagonized their audience by saying it again. I forgot…. was it Minish Cap that was first to turn Link into a wolf, starting a wolf-turning trend that makes us throw-up in it’s repetition? No, that was the one where Link got really tiny and had a talking bird-hat. Was it Majora’s Mask with the monkeys? No, that one had a 3-day time cycle and a moon with a face not even a mother could love. Ocarina? Cross-dressing princess. Wind-Waker? Water. Zelda II? Side-scrolling. I don’t really see what they’re talking about. Yeah, it has a green-tunic, desperate princess, a land on verge of destruction, and controls just like all of the other 3D iterations. What is it they are looking for? Do they want Zelda to… not be Zelda?/update

::SIGH::

Just get one already. Use the money you got on eBay selling that PS3. Use the rest to buy a house.

-Arlo