If you haven’t heard by now, PlayStation Network was down over the weekend, giving countless gamers a “hardware failure error” and depriving them of their Heavy Rain fix. Outrage ensued, and understandably so, as Heavy Rain is pretty freaking awesome so far. I finished Mass Effect 2, and I don’t have any gaming commitments at the moment to hold me back from diving into it. Yay for interactive drama! Wistful sighs are abound! So yeah, anyway, I couldn’t really think of anything substantially funny to use against Sony, so I just went back to making fun of 360’s…’cause they deserve it. It’s what they get for banning my console. *shakes fist* Since this was a last-minute idea, and I touched on this subject before, I hope to come out with another comic later in the week. That would make 6 comics for 2010, which will break last year’s record! lol Stay tuned! =)

~Race

One of the things that the Xbox 360 has going for it, is its achievement points set up. For those who may not know, check out this link by GameDaily, and get the low down there.

While some achievements are easier than others, there are some out there that are a real bitch to get. This being the case, we’re going to have a new blog post dedicated to finding out how to nab those hard points and get you that nerd cred (or e-penis if you will) that you desire so much. These tips and videos can come from anywhere, so if you have tips, post them on the forums and we’ll put them up here so you get full credit. Our first entry on Achievement Whoring is…

I found this walk through on YouTube, via the user known as Npeaen. The vid gives excellent tips on how to beat one of the hardest achievements that can currently be found on the Xbox 360, and the video that I personally used to finally nab that bastard achievement after over a year of having the game. If you follow his steps, this achievement will be yours in a a short time. Nice work Npeaen!

That’s it for this addition of Achievement Whoring, so remember to keep playing, and increase that score!

-J

Screenshots

Story:

The story picks up right after the first Gears of War left off, with the lightmass bomb being set off, and the COG thinking the war was over. What the humans did not know, is that the Horde actually grew stronger, and are now able to sink entire cities with a single blow. Losing cities and the war at a startling pace, the COG decide to launch an all out assault on the Locust homeworld, in order to make a last stand for the human race. The set up is very simple, but the story continues on to spawn more moments that really leave a lasting impression on you as a player. There were multiple times in the story where I was expecting one thing, and then the story took the other direction to blow my mind a bit. The story drives the game at a much better pace than the first, and feels more cohesive in general. While it still has some moments tacked on which don’t explain things again (similar to how they talked about Marcus’ dad in the first game), the story continues to be top caliber despite this small set back.

All the characters, the ones that survived anyways, all make a return in Gears 2. While the story tends to gravitate towards Marcus and Dom again, there are some new characters introduced on both the human and locust side of things. Some of these new characters are interesting, while others aren’t around very long for you to care much. In general, Marcus, Dom, Cole and Baird are going to make up the core group and advance the story. It would be nice if the developers would have gave you some face time with Baird and Cole, but hey, maybe in the next game. Speaking of Cole, he’s hands down my favorite character. His opening sequence is just pure awesomeness, and he just has a lot of memorable moments in the game similar to how he stole the show in the first Gears.

One of the most glaring things that not many other reviews touched on, deals directly with how the single-player game ends. I’ll say flat out, that this is one of the worst endings I’ve ever seen in a videogame, and really pisses me off that Epic Games decided that this was the correct way to end the game. It’s been stated many times that the ending to Gears 1 was pretty sloppy, but the ending to Gears 2 makes the original look flawless. After all the insanely good story moments that this game brings, the ending is just a straight kick to the balls (or to the baby maker for all the girls out there), and I would be doing a disservice to anyone reading this if I did not mention it.

Gameplay:

With any sequel, the general question for most buyers is about what was changed and what stayed the same. The general singleplayer set up that was in the previous game is back, allowing you to play through the main game solo styles, or hop online to play through the campaign cooperatively. New additions to the single player which also translate over into multiplayer are the new weapons, and the ability to pick people up and use them as shields when they are down on the ground. The design team knew that the original Gears nearly perfected the third person shooter and cover mechanics, so in Gears 2, there is nothing changed to the core mechanics at all outside of refinements to the cover system. Shooting, reloading, and the rest are all the same and if you have played the original, it will take you only a matter of minutes for you to get yourself back into form. This could sound like a negative thing to some people, but the developers knew that new mechanics and modes into the game to make it be the bigger, better, and more badass sequel they were looking for.

As far as new game modes, there is a new multiplayer mode called “The Horde” and before I go on and explain it, I just want to say that this thing is fucking awesome. That said, it is a multiplayer game type that can be played on or offline with up to five people, or just even by yourself (if you’re that crazy). The premise is that you and your buddies pick any map, and try to survive wave after wave of locust. Kill one wave, get points, stock up on any ammo, and get ready for the next wave. The fun here is that each wave gets progressively harder and harder, with more enemies coming after you too. When you get past ten waves, the Locust swarm resets back to a smaller swarm, but attributes (such as health) for the swarm go up. By the time you get to level 50, the Horde is mighty mighty strong. Hands down no doubt in my mind, this is the best part of Gears 2. The computer isn’t any slouch either in this mode, giving me and my initial buddy an extremely hard time on level 30… in casual mode. While hard, the mode is fun and tactical at the same time. Going in balls out works some of the time, but it’s working with your friends that will get you through the hard times. While somewhat repetitive, it is easily the best mode included on the disk, and worth the purchase alone.

Other multiplayer modes from the original game are back, alongside of a host of new ones to boot. You have a capture the flag mode, VIP mode, 2-man squad mode, and they all work really well. The multiplayer is as good as it ever was (and while I’ll get to the changes in a moment) I want to mention that you can play the multiplayer maps offline with bots. If anyone has played Unreal 3 or any of the other Unreal games, you’ll know that you can populate an Unreal game with bots to fill the empty void. In Gears 2, you can fill all the slots with bots, and just play without having to even have an internet connection. This is a big big deal, because I know people who owned the original Gears, but were not able to see the fun of multiplayer, because of not having Xbox Live. Now those same people can experience the fun which many have been having for the past two years. It also gives a player the option to play multiplayer without having to deal with people cheating, or just being plain annoying.

Since the guys over at Epic Games have had the time to really play around with this version of Gears, they have balanced a lot of the mutiplayer problems that were associated with the first game. For those who may not know, the terms “shotgun match” and “host lag” where coined from the first game, and were one of the first areas to be changed. The lag has been significantly cut down during my play sessions, and most of the time when I died, it was because of how I was playing and not the lag. Next was the shotgun. In the first Gears, players would run, roll, whip the shotgun out and just destroy you with one shot. This would happen even if they were shooting you, which was pure bullshit. To combat this, they shortened the range of the shotgun, and introduced stopping power to bullets. If you are running at someone who is shooting at you, you will slow down, similar to how it would really be. You can still move/roll during this time, but it makes it so people can’t get those cheap kills in. Shotgun is still one hit one kill up close, so watch out for that. Other balancing issues with the sniper rifle have been fixed as well, making it so that a user can’t rush the gun, reload, and then instantly down you. Again, headshots are one hit kills, so watch out. The chainsaw lancer was even balanced by adding in a button mini game if two people come at each other at the same time. The users will need to press the B button as fast as they can for three seconds, whoever has the most presses wins, the other is fodder. While many issues were fixed, there was a new mechanic that was introduced, which I know is going to be abused to no end. Users now have the ability to stick grenades into the wall on any map, and set traps. You can shoot the grenade off the wall if you see it, but you’re going to be leaving yourself open for getting hit, and there is nothing you can do if you can’t see it. I got nailed quite a few times by the same guy who would just sit in a single spot with frag grenades in the wall, to the point where I would either get shot and die, or get hit by the grenade while playing online. Since this will not be patched anytime soon, one should really watch how they navigate the corners. In all, the multiplayer is just as strong as it was in the first Gears, except that there is just more here to keep you online and blowing stuff up with your buddies.

Taking the bad with the good, I did run into my fair share of bugs and issues while playing through the single player and multiplayer. One of the issues I had with the game, is that the developers really like to shake the camera a lot during the single player when things are going on. While this is minor, it really gets in the way of being able to see what the hell you are doing when the screen is going ape shit. In terms of bugs, I got stuck on a box during a boss fight, to the point where I couldn’t beat the boss until the game decided that it would finally let me go. I also ran into a few floating enemies during single player and during Horde, which resulted in the enemy character falling through the ground before completing the objective. These could have just been random things that have happened, but it’s still what I experienced during my playthrough.

Graphics and Sound:

For the better part of a few years now, the Unreal 3 engine has seen its share of work throughout the industry, but Gears 2 really shows off what this engine can really do. The first game was, and still is, one of the best looking console games on the market today. From the textures, to the character modes, everything just looked amazing. With Gears 2, you might not notice the changes right out the gate, but it’s when you hit some of the other areas in the game or get to see some of the new lighting tech that is in there, you really see how great the game looks. Epic also made the choice to include some real colors in the game, instead of just keeping it brown, brown, and then more brown.

During the play through, I did notice that there was some screen tearing at parts, some of which happened when the screen would shake like a mad man. The terrible fade in textures make a comeback, but unlike in the last version, they fade into the character/setting with a lot more ease so that it’s not as noticeable. Even though it’s not as “poppy” as in the original, it’s still an issue in my eyes since the rest of the game is almost flawless.

The sound track has a lot of new music, but it carries the same tone of the original version. Music picks up and gets very big during firefights, and then there are lower tones and emotional music types playing during off beat moments and story segments. The voice acting is less cheesy this time around, with all the actors hitting their lines with the proper tone for the setting they are in. There is much more chatter during the fire fights as well, which keeps the player in the game, and is a nice touch. The sound effects are just as good as the first, and you’re not going to hear much you haven’t already heard in other shooters, or from the first Gears of War.

Yaaaaaaaays

-Good voice acting
-Slick graphics
-Great gameplay (unchanged from the first)
-HORDE MODE!
-More multiplayer options and modes
-More balanced multiplayer

Boooooooos

-The single player ending

Final Verdict

Buy It

Game of the Year? It’s pretty damn possible at this point. The game is a ton of fun, with the exception of the ending (HATE HATE HATE) really just putting a small sour patch on a good game. It should be stated that a good chunk of the enjoyment to Gears is going to be in some sort of multiplayer mode, and this may be an issue with some. If you’re going to play the game just for the story you might want to rethink the purchase just a bit. For everyone else, it’s a full complete package that should not be missed. I’ll see you online.

-Justin

And we’re back….

Yeah, yeah, Xbox 360’s are notorious for hardware failure. I’m one of the lucky ones that knows this firsthand. I’m on my fourth Xbox, the very first one having red-ringed right out of the box, the second one getting banned, and the third one red-ringing. Luckily, that third second-hand Xbox was still under warranty, and Microsoft graciously sent us a refurbished replacement, albeit with a lot of teeth-pulling. At first, they couldn’t find our home address so they wouldn’t send us a shipping label, and then the one they sent us when we used a friend’s address didn’t work, then they finally sent us a working one, like, a a whole month after the initial phone call. Ugh, it was a mess. But, alas, we have this refurbed one, and I thank them for it, because I was totally expecting them to tell us, “FUCK YOU, PIRATES,” since the firmware was never flashed back to factory standards, and I just kinda slapped the warranty sticker back on as if nothing ever happened. >.>

I must admit, though, I was very pessimistic about them fixing it. I didn’t think there would be a chance in hell they’d replace it. For a while when the repair was pending, I had seriously thought about buying a new 360 (with the newly-reduced price), because I’m a chump like that; and, as the new comic depicts, it’s all about the gamer points. I must confess that Microsoft compensates for their incredible hardware disappointments by bribing me with gamer points. It’s mad, I know, and it makes me a complete sucker.

~Race

DASHBOARD: 2
Assassin’s Creed: 2
Call of Duty 4: 1
Guitar Hero III: 2
Rock Band: 1
Total: 8

Today’s Winner? Well, it’s a three-way tie between Assassin’s Creed, Guitar Hero III and the Dashboard. FUN!

-Arlo

Am I studying? No, I am not. I could be working on structure trees of compound-complex sentences with subordinating adverbial clauses, but I am not. I have been enthralled by the Halo 3 Beta crash and the resultant separation of the rabid cream from the raw whole milk that is the average fanboy.

Joytiq poster Ludwig Kietzmann had this to say about the issue:

“Dear Bungie, Micro$oft and Major Tom,

I am super mad at you for all the pain and grief you’ve put on me for the last seven hours and forty seven minutes. OMG, it’s a simpel thing you had to do. All you had to do was flip the BEST BETA EVAR swich in your office and give me and the fans across the world sum Halo 3 action. But no, you n00bs couldnt’ even manage that. Let’s look at what I’ve done for you!

First of all, I gave you 60 bucks for my beta ticket i could have just left it at that, but I played the included Crackdown (more liek Suckdown!) game for over 80 hours. I got all the acheivvement points and stuff to see if it unlocked the beta early, but nothing fine, I said, I’ll get my munny’s worth later. I’ll wait until the “official” launch date, whateva. So I waited. Like, a lot. I bought an xtra X-box 360 (an ELITE, which is awesome BTW) just in case I got red-ringed before the beta. I took the whole week off work so I could play it without being interrupted and I told my mom to leave me alone. I did all of that, and what do you give me? nothing.

You guys have lost all your credibility now. I’ve been staring at the crackdown menu for a whole day, when I could have been doing something useful! You wasted my time and I can never get it back!!1I could have picked up my daughter from school by now, but no, you make me sit here and wait and wait and wait until you get your freaking act together. After all that time playing Halo 2, writing fanfiction and making wallpapers of Master Chief (he pwns the stupid Arbitrary) and dedicating my days to you… this is how yuo thank me? No, let me thank you.

Thank you for completely screwing up my life, Bungie. This is all your fold!”

If you think he’s being a little bit too sarcastic, read some of the forums on various sites regarding the issue. “EVERYONE JUST PLAY GEARS……….. FORGET BUNGIE”? Really? I mean, I’m bummed, but…. jesus, man. Calm the fuck down. Beta game-play is a privilege, not a right — a mutually beneficial one, to be sure. But Bungie doesn’t owe you shit. No, your 50 bucks a month for the Gold XBL membership doesn’t guarantee you an on-time beta. That’s not what you’re paying for; you’re paying for the multiplayer shit you get in finished games. Betas are free fucking icing on that cake you payed for. And 50 bucks a year? I pay 12 times that for my health insurance and my XBL means more to me than my kidneys. So calm down… have a cookie.

Yesterday, “M$” (Anyone who types that with seriousness get a free punch in the face… from me. Get the fuck over yourselves.) and Bungie announced that Halo 3 was being ::GASP!:: pushed up! to a September 25th release date. Maybe they should have announced that today, instead.

If you want another beautifully sarcastic viewpoint, Government Lies from that same Bungie.net forum has this to say:

“They know about the delay. This is a good thing. What are they doing about it? Time will tell. I, for one, have faith in our Bungie tech people, and my prayers go with them. They realize that this upset is leaving people… uh… upset, and I’m sure we’ll all be telling our friends and neighbors about how the Bungie people taught us an important lesson in patience.

Otherwise, today will go down in history as ‘Bungie’s Folly’ and my children will visit the still-burning rubble of the Bungie Studios, and I will shed a single tear and tell them, ‘Look well, my children. May 16th, 2007 was the last day people underestimated the power of a large group of gamers coming down from an anticipation high.’”

Read the beginning of that thread for some of the funniest nerd-panic you’ve ever read in your life.

Meanwhile, I gotta go take a freaking test. If it’s not up by the time I get home, I’m thinking about boycotting M$ and burning my laptop.

-Arlo

I wanna talk a bit about our latest comic. I never – and I mean never – play anonymous multi-player games. I can barely stand socializing with people I know. It’s exactly these sorts of people (some I know personally) that cinch it for me. Let me break it down:

That leader dude. You know the type. He plays nothing but SOCOM and Madden and takes his online gaming veryseriously. Not much to say here. Just… join the reserves already.

The twelve-year-old potty mouth. I had occasion a while back to listen to five young men playing some Naruto game and they just wouldn’t shut up. You’ve seen it, too. One child in particular, Damien something, kept saying “Noobinate”. “I’m going to noobinate you. You’ve just been noobinated. Hey, Sam, did you just see Bobby get noobinated by the noobinator?” That would be sorta funny if it was edited snippets instead of a direct quote. One thing young people do, and do well, is beating a dead horse. Noobinate? That horse was stillborn.

Anybody with MJ (not Michael Jackson), 420, Blaze, or Smoke in their gamertag. Just shut the fuck up. You are sooooooo annoying. I wanna put that joint out in your bloodshot eye. Why don’t you just kill yourself now, because you’re sure as hell not going to amount to anything. And if you do? I’ll be waiting there with pistol in hand.

Too much? I can never tell.

-Arlo

…I got nothin’.

I’m sure you heard that Gears of War supplanted Halo as the number one game played on XBox Live. Race can tell you more about that, as I haven’t played a game over Live with an anonymous person since…. DOA4? Wow.

Anyway, I think it’s very important here to note that I’m watching The Transformers Movie right now and I just heard Spike say “shit.”

That is all.

-Arlo